No Comparison, Really
by Mitts
Summary: Just a one off short story of an event in the men's shower room. Not for those without a sense of humour! Yaoi implied.


**I finally found my lost notes on the end of this story, and managed to get it written up! As with all my stories, I wrote this one purely for my own fun and amusement, and then thought I'd share it with like minded people who know how to laugh...also, I posted it as a BIG thank you to everyone that reviews my work, and say how much they love it. **

Keeping fingers crossed for this one :)

* * *

**No Comparison****, Really.**

"**Yes, mine is definitely **_**much **_**longer," Vincent declared to a bemused Sephiroth, who disdainfully snorted back at him in denial. **

"**Don't be a fool. Anyone can see that mine is hanging at least two inches lower than yours," the green eyed man smirked in retaliation.**

**Vincent hated when his close friend got all uppity like this, especially as the evidence was as plain as the nose on his serious face when they were stood naked next to each other in the communal shower together. Why would Sephiroth not admit to what was clearly on display.....that Vincent's was indeed longer than Sephiroth's.**

"**Stand side by side," Vincent instructed, taking hold of Sephiroth's waist gently, twisting his slim taut body around so they stood hip to hip. "Now come on, you **_**cannot**_** deny that mine is dangling lower than yours! Even you must see it."**

**Sephiroth lowered his gaze, blinking away the falling shower water from his eyelashes and staring as he looked down. "I don't know Vincent," he replied, his voice musing, his gaze lingering. "The tip of mine is definitely hanging beneath yours."**

**The gunman squealed like a girl. "You have **_**got **_**to be kidding me!" he screeched, reaching out a hand and brushing his fingertips softly downwards against Sephiroth's wet glistening length. "No way is that hanging anywhere near as low as mine. Are you blind?" **

"**And mine is also thicker than yours," Sephiroth scoffed, smacking Vincent's hand away and taking hold of his own length himself, encircling it within the grip of his thumb and forefinger. "Look at that, my fingers can barely close over and meet my palm." **

**Vincent was not impressed. **

"**Well, I bet you can't tie a knot in yours, like I can," he answered, and promptly proceeded to try and do so, twisting and turning what he had held in his hands, a look of sheer concentration on his face.**

"**Oh give it up," Sephiroth laughed. "You're not going to succeed."**

"**It's not my fault I can't do it. It's all soapy and slippery," Vincent whined. "Anyway, at least mine is smoother and straighter than yours."**

"**I don't care," Sephiroth retorted. "In a survey conducted by FanFiction's fan girls, mine came out on top as the one that was most desired by them, the one that most of them wanted to touch, to play with…..so....." He finished his statement with a childish gesture of putting his thumb to his nose and sticking out his tongue. "Ner, ner!"**

"**That contest was rigged! My fan girls weren't even asked for their opinion," Vincent snarled.**

"**That's because you don't have any fan girls to ask," Sephiroth smartly quipped. **

"**Oh yeah, is that so?" Vincent bit back. Sephiroth nodded smugly. "Well....Well.....Take that!" **

**Catching his breath in surprise, Sephiroth could not believe that his friend had just grabbed hold and tugged harshly on his long, unprotected length. With a snarl he pulled back harder at Vincent's, bringing tears to the gunman's eyes. **

"**Hey, hey, you two...break that up," came a gruff voice from beside them. Both men instantly let go of each other, looking slightly abashed until.....**

"**Come on Barrett. Give us your honest opinion...Who's is the longest?" asked Vincent, standing proud, hands on hips. **

**Barrett looked, and scratched his chin in concentration. "Well, I don't know. I can't rightly compare between ya. I mean, I'm not really the best man to ask, seeing as mine is totally different to you's both. Mine is short and stubby, not long and thin, like yours. Ain't no good asking Cloud to give judgment either, as that boy's is always in a permanent upwards position anyway....so it's hard to tell how low his would hang."**

**Sephiroth scoffed again, loudly. "That boy! His is **_**nothing**_** in comparison to ours. I can't believe you even brought his into the equation."**

"**I heard that," came an injured retort from one of the toilet stalls.**

"**You were meant to," Sephiroth answered back glibly. **

"**What's going on in here?" asked Cid, coming into the shower-room and throwing his towel over the back of a nearby chair. **

"**They're having a contest," Barrett explained, getting out of the shower and drying himself off. "Over who's is the longest."**

**Cid looked up from untying his laced boots with a look of interest on his face. "Really?" he asked, excitedly.**

"**Yes, really," Sephiroth replied. Now it was his turn to stand naked before the audience, swaying his hips and deliberately causing his elongated length to move side to side. He smiled as Cid's eyes followed the movement. "It's definitely mine, isn't he?" he purred, using his best mesmerizing voice. **

"**Well, I'll be danged," Cid muttered. "That is....pure beauty. So long, so straight, so..... **_**Can I touch it?"**_

"**No," Sephiroth growled, turning away from the airman and his reaching fingers. "Since when have you ever known me to let anyone play with it?"**

**A discreet cough sounded from the closed toilet stall.**

"**Quiet you!" barked Sephiroth.**

"**I didn't say anything," whimpered Cloud. **

"**Want me to wash that for you? You know, lather it up and get it all soapy, get it all....clean?" Cid offered, stripping off as fast as his fumbling fingers would let him. "I'll do either of you. Heck....I'll do both of you!"**

**Sephiroth and Vincent exchanged looks, quirking eyebrows. **

"**Do you really want his grubby fingers touching yours?" the gunman asked the general. Sephiroth shook his head. "No, me neither. Come on then. I'll do you. And then you can do me."**

"**Alright, but just remember....you hurt me, I hurt you back," Sephiroth warned. **

"**How am I going to hurt you?" Vincent asked. "All I'm going to do is bunch it up in my hands, massage it with my fingers, squeeze it and knead it, and then spray the showerhead over it until it stops being dirty and drips clean."**

"**Let **_**me **_**do it!" pleaded Cid, falling to his knees and begging. **

"**NO!" both men shouted down at him in unison.**

**Cid contented himself with standing under the pouring wet spray, washing himself and watching the two tall powerful men taking it in turns to wash one another. His lustful gaze followed the movement of wet soapy hands, the swishing and swaying hips causing their long lengths to swing wetly side to side, dripping and dangling, droplets of water falling from the tips. **

"**You know," came the soft voice from the toilet stall again. "I could do it."**

"**Do what?" inquired Cid, his eyes never moving from the scene in front of him.**

"**I could compare between the two of them."**

"**You? How so?" Cid asked, allowing a very quick glace towards the closed toilet door, his interest piqued.**

"**Well…. I'm use to touching Sephiroth's. I know the thickness of it, the length of it….how heavy it is to hold."**

"**That's a brilliant idea, Cloud!" Vincent declared, his excited voice covering over the small snarl that issued forth from the general's tight pursed lips. **

**The noise of the flush preceded the sound of the door lock of the toilet cubicle being pulled back, and within seconds a willing and eager young blond cadet hurried over towards the shower stalls. Dropping the towel that was wrapped around his waist, Cloud went to stand by the gunman, only to be pulled up smartly by a broad forearm smashing across his thin chest and preventing him from doing so.**

"**I believe it's time for us to return to our room," the general murmured, leaning down towards the smaller male and placing his outstretched arm around the startled boy's shoulders, pressing him to walk backwards out of the shower stall.**

"**But…But…."**

"**No buts," Sephiroth chastised, only letting go of Cloud long enough to pick up and throw the blondes discarded towel back at him, and to place a towel around his own slender narrow hips.**

**With a pout on his face, and disappointment evident in his voice, the little cadet made one last bold attempt to get his hands on the airman's tempting, dangling length that was calling to him.**

"**Seph! Seph! Please… Come on. Let me touch it. Just once." **

**But Cloud's outstretched fingers only clawed at empty air, as the tall dominant male grabbed hold of him by an upper arm and dragged him, resisting all the way, from the bathing room.**

**As the door closed behind them, Vincent smiled to himself and, tossing his long dark hair behind him he finished off his shower saying to himself….**

"**Ah, Sephiroth is just scared of losing his little hairdresser to me. He knows that, if Cloud likes the feel of black, he won't go back……"**


End file.
